An Itchmo reader, Janice, sent us this funny Cat’s Good Life Guide:
You never really own a cat. You can only make him happy & hope he won’t leave you for someone better, like the pizza guy. Here are some morsels of advice:
- Let the cat make the first move. Don’t come to me & expect me to rejoice. I will come to you…..on my own terms & in my own time. When I meet a new human, I know immediately whether he’s a cat person. If he pets me & suffocates me with hugs, yuck! It’s so over. But if he ignores me or is allergic or terrified, I find him irresistible. Unlike indiscriminate dogs, a cat likes a challenge. Always let the cat make the first move or suffer the consequences.
- Be polite. If I bring you a dead rodent, I expect thanks. If you’re not in the mood for a rodent, get in the mood. Appropriate responses: scratching behind the ear, praising me & putting the gift on some sort of pedestal or perhaps in a well-lit china cabinet.
More funny cat laughs after the jump.
- Do I look like I need a dog? I appreciate that you’re thinking of me, but seriously, a dog? Why not just throw me in a barrel of drool & roll me in fleas? The dog eats my food & digs in my litter box. And the dog that licked your face just rinsed down the litter box treats with toilet water…..yummy.
- Do I look like I need a sweater? Enough said.
- Learn the language. A faint meow when you’re petting me means “That’s nice; you may continue”. A long, drawn-out meow means “I’m hungry….feed me or I’ll poop in the bathtub”. A low, throaty meow means “My litter box is most unpleasant”. A hissing meow is “You idiot, you’re standing on my tail”.
- 14 to 18 hours a day of napping is normal. I’m not lazy, depressed or narcoleptic. I’m tired. You would be, too, if you had as much on your mind as I do.
From Reader’s Digest