The Laws of Cat Physics

Jumping CatHere’s something we never learned in our high school physics class: the laws of cat physics.

  • Law of Cat Inertia
    A cat at rest will tend to remain at rest, unless acted upon by some outside force - such as the opening of cat food, or a nearby scurrying mouse.
  • Law of Cat Motion
    A cat will move in a straight line, unless there is a really good reason to change direction.
  • Law of Cat Magnetics
    All blue blazers and black sweaters attract cat hair in direct proportion to the darkness of the fabric.

More cat physics after the jump.

  • Law of Cat Thermodynamics
    Heat flows from a warmer to a cooler body, except in the case of a cat, in which case all heat flows to the cat.
  • Law of Cat Stretching
    A cat will stretch to a distance proportional to the length of the nap just taken.
  • Law of Cat Sleeping
    All cats must sleep with people whenever possible, in a position as uncomfortable for the people involved as is possible for the cat.
  • Law of Cat Elongation
    A cat can make her body long enough to reach just about any counter top that has anything remotely interesting on it.
  • Law of Cat Acceleration
    A cat will accelerate at a constant rate, until he gets good and ready to stop.
  • Law of Dinner Table Attendance
    Cats must attend all meals when anything good is served.
  • Law of Rug Configuration
    No rug may remain in its naturally flat state for very long.
  • Law of Obedience Resistance
    A cat’s resistance varies in proportion to a human’s desire for her to do something.
  • First Law of Energy Conservation
    Cats know that energy can neither be created nor destroyed and will, therefore, use as little energy as possible.
  • Second Law of Energy Conservation
    Cats also know that energy can only be stored by a lot of napping.
  • Law of Refrigerator Observation
    If a cat watches a refrigerator long enough, someone will come along and take out something good to eat.
  • Law of Electric Blanket Attraction
    Turn on an electric blanket and a cat will jump into bed at the speed of light.
  • Law of Random Comfort Seeking
    A cat will always seek, and usually take over, the most comfortable spot in any given room.
  • Law of Bag / Box Occupancy
    All bags and boxes in a given room must contain a cat within the earliest possible nanosecond.
  • Law of Cat Embarrassment
    A cat’s irritation rises in direct proportion to her embarrassment times the amount of human laughter.
  • Law of Milk Consumption
    A cat will drink his weight in milk, squared, just to show you he can.
  • Law of Furniture Replacement
    A cat’s desire to scratch furniture is directly proportional to the cost of the furniture.
  • Law of Cat Landing
    A cat will always land in the softest place possible.
  • Law of Fluid Displacement
    A cat immersed in milk will displace her own volume, minus the amount of milk consumed.
  • Law of Cat Disinterest
    A cat’s interest level will vary in inverse proportion to the amount of effort a human expends in trying to interest him.
  • Law of Pill Rejection
    Any pill given to a cat has the potential energy to reach escape velocity.
  • Law of Cat Composition
    A cat is composed of Matter + Anti-Matter + It Doesn’t Matter.

5 Responses to “The Laws of Cat Physics”

  1. Wendy44 says:

    Truer words were never written. I especially struggle with the law of rug configuration!

  2. Senas Mom says:

    The only possible correction I can make to this is the Law of Cat Thermodynamics - heat will flow from a cat to her human if that human is suffering from hot flashes and night sweats.

  3. Helen says:

    Law of Cat Gravity: Cats are not affected by law of gravity, particularly when frightened.

  4. Debbie4747 says:

    Caption….”I love you this much!”

  5. Debbie4747 says:

    Okay, here’s another caption…”YAY! Iams is about to be busted!!!!!!”

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