Itchmo: News For Dogs & Cats

Here’s something we never learned in our high school physics class: the laws of cat physics.

• Law of Cat Inertia
  A cat at rest will tend to remain at rest, unless acted upon by some outside force - such as the opening of cat food, or a nearby scurrying mouse.
• Law of Cat Motion
  A cat will move in a straight line, unless there is a really good reason to change direction.
• Law of Cat Magnetics
  All blue blazers and black sweaters attract cat hair in direct proportion to the darkness of the fabric.

More cat physics after the jump.

• Law of Cat Thermodynamics
  Heat flows from a warmer to a cooler body, except in the case of a cat, in which case all heat flows to the cat.
• Law of Cat Stretching
  A cat will stretch to a distance proportional to the length of the nap just taken.
• Law of Cat Sleeping
  All cats must sleep with people whenever possible, in a position as uncomfortable for the people involved as is possible for the cat.
• Law of Cat Elongation
  A cat can make her body long enough to reach just about any counter top that has anything remotely interesting on it.
• Law of Cat Acceleration
  A cat will accelerate at a constant rate, until he gets good and ready to stop.
• Law of Dinner Table Attendance
  Cats must attend all meals when anything good is served.
• Law of Rug Configuration
  No rug may remain in its naturally flat state for very long.
• Law of Obedience Resistance
  A cat’s resistance varies in proportion to a human’s desire for her to do something.
• First Law of Energy Conservation
  Cats know that energy can neither be created nor destroyed and will, therefore, use as little energy as possible.
• Second Law of Energy Conservation
  Cats also know that energy can only be stored by a lot of napping.
• Law of Refrigerator Observation
  If a cat watches a refrigerator long enough, someone will come along and take out something good to eat.
• Law of Electric Blanket Attraction
  Turn on an electric blanket and a cat will jump into bed at the speed of light.
• Law of Random Comfort Seeking
  A cat will always seek, and usually take over, the most comfortable spot in any given room.
• Law of Bag / Box Occupancy
  All bags and boxes in a given room must contain a cat within the earliest possible nanosecond.
• Law of Cat Embarrassment
  A cat’s irritation rises in direct proportion to her embarrassment times the amount of human laughter.
• Law of Milk Consumption
  A cat will drink his weight in milk, squared, just to show you he can.
• Law of Furniture Replacement
  A cat’s desire to scratch furniture is directly proportional to the cost of the furniture.
• Law of Cat Landing
  A cat will always land in the softest place possible.
• Law of Fluid Displacement
  A cat immersed in milk will displace her own volume, minus the amount of milk consumed.
• Law of Cat Disinterest
  A cat’s interest level will vary in inverse proportion to the amount of effort a human expends in trying to interest him.
• Law of Pill Rejection
  Any pill given to a cat has the potential energy to reach escape velocity.
• Law of Cat Composition
  A cat is composed of Matter + Anti-Matter + It Doesn’t Matter.

This entry was posted on Thursday, May 24th, 2007 at 1:38 pm and is filed under Cats, National Dog, Cat & Pet Info, Entertainment About Pets. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.