The Laws of Cat Physics
Here’s something we never learned in our high school physics class: the laws of cat physics.
- Law of Cat Inertia
A cat at rest will tend to remain at rest, unless acted upon by some outside force - such as the opening of cat food, or a nearby scurrying mouse. - Law of Cat Motion
A cat will move in a straight line, unless there is a really good reason to change direction. - Law of Cat Magnetics
All blue blazers and black sweaters attract cat hair in direct proportion to the darkness of the fabric.
More cat physics after the jump.
- Law of Cat Thermodynamics
Heat flows from a warmer to a cooler body, except in the case of a cat, in which case all heat flows to the cat. - Law of Cat Stretching
A cat will stretch to a distance proportional to the length of the nap just taken. - Law of Cat Sleeping
All cats must sleep with people whenever possible, in a position as uncomfortable for the people involved as is possible for the cat. - Law of Cat Elongation
A cat can make her body long enough to reach just about any counter top that has anything remotely interesting on it. - Law of Cat Acceleration
A cat will accelerate at a constant rate, until he gets good and ready to stop. - Law of Dinner Table Attendance
Cats must attend all meals when anything good is served. - Law of Rug Configuration
No rug may remain in its naturally flat state for very long. - Law of Obedience Resistance
A cat’s resistance varies in proportion to a human’s desire for her to do something. - First Law of Energy Conservation
Cats know that energy can neither be created nor destroyed and will, therefore, use as little energy as possible. - Second Law of Energy Conservation
Cats also know that energy can only be stored by a lot of napping. - Law of Refrigerator Observation
If a cat watches a refrigerator long enough, someone will come along and take out something good to eat. - Law of Electric Blanket Attraction
Turn on an electric blanket and a cat will jump into bed at the speed of light. - Law of Random Comfort Seeking
A cat will always seek, and usually take over, the most comfortable spot in any given room. - Law of Bag / Box Occupancy
All bags and boxes in a given room must contain a cat within the earliest possible nanosecond. - Law of Cat Embarrassment
A cat’s irritation rises in direct proportion to her embarrassment times the amount of human laughter. - Law of Milk Consumption
A cat will drink his weight in milk, squared, just to show you he can. - Law of Furniture Replacement
A cat’s desire to scratch furniture is directly proportional to the cost of the furniture. - Law of Cat Landing
A cat will always land in the softest place possible. - Law of Fluid Displacement
A cat immersed in milk will displace her own volume, minus the amount of milk consumed. - Law of Cat Disinterest
A cat’s interest level will vary in inverse proportion to the amount of effort a human expends in trying to interest him. - Law of Pill Rejection
Any pill given to a cat has the potential energy to reach escape velocity. - Law of Cat Composition
A cat is composed of Matter + Anti-Matter + It Doesn’t Matter.
May 24th, 2007 at 4:08 pm
Truer words were never written. I especially struggle with the law of rug configuration!
May 24th, 2007 at 6:46 pm
The only possible correction I can make to this is the Law of Cat Thermodynamics - heat will flow from a cat to her human if that human is suffering from hot flashes and night sweats.
May 24th, 2007 at 6:46 pm
Law of Cat Gravity: Cats are not affected by law of gravity, particularly when frightened.
May 24th, 2007 at 7:00 pm
Caption….”I love you this much!”
May 25th, 2007 at 3:58 pm
Okay, here’s another caption…”YAY! Iams is about to be busted!!!!!!”